


Heavenleaver

by Poklear (Pokerel)



Series: The Realmcrosser [1]
Category: Helltaker (Video Game)
Genre: (if u liked this pls give mistakes madness and more a chance), Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Lucifer (Helltaker) POV, Multi, Ol' Lucy (Helltaker) gets friends because I said so, Post-Canon, Secret Ending Spoilers (Ch 4+) unless you didn't know about it yet. somehow. in which case have fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25446559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokerel/pseuds/Poklear
Summary: Heaven claims the Helltaker. His harem is not amused.Excerpt:"You lot seem to have gone soft.""Maybe. Maybe not." Lucifer took a steadying breath, tossing her hair back. "Right now? The Helltaker is in Heaven. We're going to get him back."
Relationships: Beelzebub & Lucifer (Helltaker), I'm not going to tag the entire... harem...
Series: The Realmcrosser [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851595
Comments: 39
Kudos: 217





	1. The Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Been sitting on this story for a while. Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Helltaker is taken.

Eight demons- and one hapless angel- in his house, and it was a damn _car_ that did him in.

Lucifer could have laughed.

The remains of the Helltaker were smeared across the lawn, a wide red stripe veering nearly perpendicular off the road and leading up to the house, in what resembled a blatant subversion of the laws of physics and common sense both. At least the overgrown grass had slowed it down before their porch joined the fatalities. _How the Hell did that happen?_

(Lucifer had to admit to herself, the sight vaguely reminded her of their first meeting.)

(The CEO of Hell tended to rearrange her office to her fancy. On days of extraordinary boredom, she'd do away with the usual obstacle course in favour of a long carpet, with the queue to see her straight down the middle. The surprised looks this arrangement earned never got old.)

(The Helltaker, however, had wasted no time getting to her.)

(And he'd offered her pancakes.)

(And she'd agreed.)

(And that led to her living in his house, alongside a handful of lesser demons. Like an actual _family_. Beelzebub would have a field day.)

(Don't think of Beel.)

The door opened with a nervous squeak. Lucifer glanced over her shoulder, to see Cerberus poking one, then two heads out through the crack, ears perked up at the racket. She made a sharp gesture towards the car. Taking the cue, the Triple Demon bounded over, throwing the door wide open in the process and revealing everyone else packed into the entrance hall.

Noticing them, Lucifer turned around fully, brows raised, gaze raking over them. (With minimal effect, to her displeasure. For the CEO of Hell, she clearly wasn't invoking as much fear as she should.)

There was a wet-sounding crunch from behind her, and Judgement winced.

Lucifer sighed, then crossed her arms, jerking her head at the wreck of the car, the driver, and the man who brought them together, watching the other demons (plus one angel, minus one Justice) scramble over to clean up the mess. Their troop attracted enough attention from human law enforcement as it was, and the Helltaker had been adamant that _nobody get maimed, get murdered, get their souls claimed._ Not even a bit, the killjoy.

Said killjoy was no longer with them.

It was a good thing Lucifer knew where to find him.

* * *

Lucifer had no idea where to find him.

None of the skeletons had seen the Helltaker, and she'd even personally combed through Hell twice over.

The second fruitless search had her retreat to the familiarity of her office, chasing out the skeletons in it for some privacy. Thankfully, nothing had changed since she last stepped foot in it. She was ancient, old enough that she'd been in this office far longer than she hadn't, and her little.. _preoccupation_ qualified as a vacation at best. That didn't mean it wasn't jarring to return.

There was the usual glass of wine waiting by her elbow when she sat, and she took it, grateful.

It was another half an hour before Justice stepped in- the demon had switched out her outfit for a grey shirt, and her jacket was over her arm. At some point, she'd let her hair down, too.

"You look nice," Lucifer said absently.

Justice gave a start at her words, before breaking out into her usual bright grin. "I'd say the same, but, y'know." She made a vague gesture, before continuing. "Oh my Satan, are you _moping_?"

"I am doing _no such thing_ ," Lucifer said, horrified. "What are _you_ doing down here?" she asked in return, taking a sip of wine and changing the topic.

"I wouldn't be much help up there. The others have it handled."

"Mhmm."

"All I got was that driver." Justice held up her hands, and Lucifer noted with no small amount of glee that she was still wearing _that_ pair of gloves. "Whatever was left of him, anyway. Cerbs did a number on him."

"Three," Lucifer commented, taking another sip.

It took a moment, before the joke- and the revelation- clicked. Justice's eyes widened behind her shades, jaw dropping. "So _that's_ why I kept losing them."

"Poor you. Do the words 'triple demon' ring a bell?"

"Eugh." she removed her shades, carding her free hand back through her hair. Lucifer caved and reached out to pat her arm, stifling laughter. After a long moment, Justice sighed, sheepish grin carrying a hint of embarrassment. "Appearances can be deceiving?" she offered, giving a half shrug.

Lucifer prodded the other. "Get Monica in here, would you?"

"Sure thing." Justice jammed her shades back on, giving Lucifer a thumbs-up. "Wouldn't want to intrude on your _moping_."

_"Leave."_


	2. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search begins.

Pandemonica arrived without Justice in tow. She did, however, bring a new mug of coffee balanced in the crook of her elbow, and her clipboard (and her lanyard, which was tangled in the clip of the clipboard. Lucifer elected to ignore that. After all, the other hadn't stepped foot into Hell for as long. A slip in her typically pristine standards could be excused.)

"You called."

"That I did." Lucifer leaned forward. Pandemonica's eyes lit up. "No torture involved, unfortunately."

The other scowled, but straightened her glasses. "What is it, then?"

Lucifer raised a brow. _The obvious._

Pandemonica frowned, drawing herself to full height, the gravity of the situation impressing itself on her. "He's not here."

Lucifer nodded.

Pandemonica's eyes narrowed, fingers clutching tightly where they held onto her clipboard. "I was under the impression he'd be here. He's already made that journey once." The _I should know, I was there_ went unsaid. Lucifer was well aware that the secretary was the first demon the Helltaker had encountered, that fateful day.

"So was I. Until," she gestured a circle around the room with the hand holding her wine, _"this. Believe me, I've searched. At least twice."_

Pandemonica's eyes narrowed further, her head tilting to one side, lips pursed in a thoughtful expression. Lucifer was close to snapping out a defensive retort when she spoke again.

"Are you sure you claimed his soul?"

"Why would you ask-" Lucifer paused, thinking. She had made the offer, yes, when the Helltaker stood before her for the first time. _'Pledge your soul to me and I'll make you my most treasured slave,'_ she'd said.

He-

The Helltaker had said _'no thanks'_ , which was hardly a _'yes'_.

Uh oh.

Pandemonica seemed to come to the same realization, her expression pinched and tail lashing in frustration. "You didn't," she grit out.

"I didn't," Lucifer said. "And since he's not in Hell..." Heaven it was, then. She grumbled, fingers digging into the wood of her table as she forced herself to stay seated and stay _calm_ , as Pandemonica burnt off her frustration with a loud hiss.

Once calmed, her assistant downed her coffee in one gulp. "It's not as good as when _he_ makes it," she grumped, and Lucifer found herself agreeing.

* * *

The house was as noisy as it usually was.

Peering into the space of the living room, Lucifer was surprised that none of her housemates had vacated the place in the Helltaker's absence. The remains of the car were scattered across that awful pentagram carpet, being prodded over by the Cerberus triplets. Azazel was ostensibly doing her own investigation into the parts, but the way her eyes moved suggested she was studying _Modeus_ instead.

Judgement pushed herself off the stairs when she spotted Lucifer, gaze flickering between Lucifer and Pandemonica as if seeking out a third person among them, brows raised in a silent question. (Justice made a fussy expression at the movement but remained seated.)

"If I need to rain fury and hellfire down on someone, you'll be the first to know," Lucifer informed Judgement in earnest. Her High Prosecutor gave a sharp nod, leaning back against the stairs and stealing a handful of chips from the bowl in Justice's lap. Her gauntlets were gone, and her usual jacket was replaced with a grey hoodie, with a white skull-print plastered over its shoulders and dripping down its front. As Lucifer watched, Judgement pulled up her hood as far over her head as it could go, her long horns in the way.

She'd answered Judgement, but the damage had been done- she didn't do _subtle_ \- and everyone was looking in Lucifer's direction now.

Even Malina's fingers had paused on the controller, the demon not even reacting as her game cheerfully announced a _Time's Up!_

The room was still with anticipation. Lucifer took a deep breath.

"No, he's not in Hell."

The room _exploded_ in noise.

 _"WHAT-"_ That roar had been Zdrada's, echoed by her sister. It was nearly drowned out only by Cerberus' barking, the dog demon sounding as upset as they looked.

"He didn't really abandon us, did he?" That was Modeus, whose tail was tangled around Azazel's leg, the angel looking equally stricken.

For her part, Justice didn't react- she must have put two and two together already- but her mouth was pressed into a thin, unhappy line. Lucifer sighed, raising her hands, and the noise died down, Cerberus letting out a long whine before falling silent.

"I'm going to Heaven to _sort this out,_ " she said, tone brooking no argument. _"Azazel,_ she added, startling the angel.

"Yes?" she squeaked, and Lucifer immediately felt a twinge of pity. She softened her tone to address the other. "You'll have to take me there, I'm afraid. It's impossible to enter unless one of their own lets me in."

That did nothing to wipe the wide-eyed panic from Azazel's face. "I- I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Do it anyway." Lucifer's patience was fraying. _"Please."_

" _Please, angel._ Or are you too chicken?" Zdrada drawled out, and for that, Lucifer turned on her, with a sharp _"You're coming with me too."_

"Yes, take her," Malina said without looking up. The corner of Zdrada's mouth ticked up in amusement.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, sister mine." She reached over for Malina's head, the latter dodging her hand and swatting it away, annoyance colouring her expression.

"I'm good at video games, you're good at _inflicting misery._ Now leave me to play in peace for once in our lives."

"Not a chance, Malinka, not a chance." Zdrada hit the power button on the screen, and Malina _screamed._

"Okay, let's go!" Azazel said, hurriedly, causing Lucifer to turn to her. When did she leave? The angel was now holding a sheaf of paper, held together by rubber bands. "Reports," she offered, by way of explanation, before tucking aforementioned reports under an arm and holding out her hands.

Lucifer and Zdrada each took one, and they were gone.


	3. The Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer pays Heaven a visit.

Heaven hadn't changed much.

The lobby was new, but the pure white was familiar. And in Lucifer's vocal opinion, hardly a substitute for character.

"Hell likes black and red," Azazel was quick to point out. Yes, but- _black and red actually added to the atmosphere! That was the entire point!_

"Spare me your interior design nerdery," Zdrada groaned at the both of them, before throwing herself into one of the seats by the wall. It was right below a 'no smoking' decal painted on the wall in... well, white. Just off-white. The dirty sort of white that came with time and poor cleaning practices. Lucifer paused in the middle of defending her taste against Azazel's (not entirely incorrect) claim that it was _edgy_ to raise a brow at it.

Zdrada noticed it too, letting out a snort. "As if."

Lucifer shook her head, smiling despite herself, and made her way to the counter, leaving Azazel to decide whether she was going to stop Zdrada from lighting up.

The angel behind the reception counter was wearing the exact same outfit as Azazel, who had been _very_ nervous about being caught out of uniform. (Oddly, it didn't seem to extend to any state of undress, but everyone had their quirks.) Unlike the angel, there was no semblance of a smile on her face. Rather, she had frowny crease lines deep enough to rival Malina's, accentuated by the backlit screen of her phone.

"Name," she stated in a monotone.

"Lucifer, CEO of Hell. You may have heard of me," Lucifer said imperiously.

The receptionist didn't even raise her head, pulling a ticket out of the dispenser and handing it to her.

Lucifer crushed the ticket in her fist, frustration threatening to boil over. She was not going to _cry!_ Not in this empty waiting room, with her only company being the angel and demon following her. She stormed towards them and away from the counter.

"What- Luci-" Azazel started to speak, but was cut off with a yelp as Lucifer kicked her in the foot. "Was it that awful?!" She slowly unclenched Lucifer's fist, extracting the balled-up ticket as the demon stood and shook in silent anger.

"I got this." Zdrada finally spoke, shaking out a cigarette. She snapped her fingers and lit it, drawing it to her lips in a familiar motion. With unexpected politeness (it could have been self-preservation), the demon didn't blow the smoke into Lucifer's face, standing there with her eyes closed for a moment before exhaling through her nose. Then she stomped up to the desk.

"Name." The smell of smoke hit the receptionist, and she snapped her head up. "No smoking in my lobby!"

"Alright," Zdrada said in her _I'm-going-to-do-it-anyway_ voice, drawing the cigarette to her lips again.

The receptionist stood and leaned over her counter to snatch it. Zdrada let her, smirking.

The angel easily crushed it in her palm, glaring at the demon across her. "What is your problem-"

"You." Zdrada opened her mouth, and a _pillar_ of flame followed the word. Lucifer watched as it seared across the counter and towards the angel, who screeched out a _'HOLY-'_ and a string of curses that absolutely weren't.

It kept up for about two and a half seconds before relenting. Two seconds was more than enough to char the counter itself, the paper on it, and the receptionist herself beyond recognition. Zdrada turned her head to the side, coughing, before making eye contact with the angel and grinning. Then, in an almost-perfect imitation of Lucifer (and the stunt was the only reason Lucifer entirely forgave her for it), she said, "I want to speak to your manager."

* * *

The receptionist kept them waiting half an hour, long enough that Lucifer considered leaving entirely in case she was calling in security. Azazel drifted between the ruined counter, Lucifer and Zdrada, the angel making aimless small-talk. Azazel seemed even more nervous about this place than Lucifer, so she indulged the angel in her idle chatter with a wary eye on the entrance.

"This is stupid," Zdrada said for the umpteenth time, and stood up for the first. She turned her jacket's collar up, nodded towards Azazel, and made to leave.

She was stopped by another angel appearing in the doorway.

Azazel snapped to attention at the newcomer, having caught sight of the other's decorated uniform- an additional coat with shoulder straps, an elaborate brooch and chain, and a matching cap. The commander raked her gaze over her clothes, but the other angel seemed to be satisfied with what she saw, and to Azazel, that was all.

Lucifer took one look at her face and froze. _Phantom pain blooming between her shoulder-blades, the cutting agony of being betrayed by someone so close to her, days when a halo had graced her head instead of her crown._

Gabriel gave no indication that she recognized Lucifer, sweeping into the room. She stopped in front of Azazel, silence demanding an explanation.

Azazel faltered under the steely gaze, glancing at Zdrada (who was _very_ interested in the 'no smoking' decal) then at Lucifer.

"We're here for the Helltaker."

"The Helltaker," Gabriel repeated, before continuing across the room, restoring the desk with a snap of her fingers and settling down behind the counter. Lucifer forced one foot to move, then the other, stepping stiffly towards the counter and ignoring Azazel's concerned glances. Gabriel studied the log book, before her blue eyes flickered up to Lucifer's face.

"Do you even know his name?" She asked lightly.

Lucifer bit back a sharp retort as Azazel breezed past her elbow, the angel slapping down a clear plastic folder that the demon's eyes snapped to. It was filled with at least two documents that she could see, with a photo slipped in front.

Lucifer didn't recall when it had been taken. The photo had all of their odd little group in it, the Helltaker himself seated near the center of the frame, everyone else crammed in around the table. Lucifer herself was to one side, Justice's arm over her shoulder.

She was smiling.

Lucifer tore her eyes from the photo to face Gabriel, though the angel was ignoring her- _again-_ in favour of glaring at Azazel. The photo _was_ pretty damning. It was hard to miss the way she had been staring at Judgement in the photo- and not at her face, no.

"This should be proof enough that they are close," Lucifer also didn't miss the tiny shake in Azazel's tone as she spoke to her superior, despite her efforts to keep it together.

Gabriel didn't move for a long while, still staring at Azazel unblinking. It was only when Lucifer moved to take the file that her arm shot out, pinning it to the counter, finally speaking. "In light of this... evidence, a review could be made."

 _'A review?'_ Lucifer mouthed at Azazel. The angel shrugged, whispering back, "Heaven is efficient," though her tone betrayed her doubt that the case would go anywhere. They stood there for a while, neither willing to step away from the counter, before something occurred to Lucifer.

"How about a deal, then." After all, she was Hell's _CEO_ for a reason.

Gabriel slowly blinked. "You'd have me agree to a devil's bargain?"

"Name your price," Lucifer said, risking a side glance at Azazel. Azazel was shaking her head slowly, arms wrapping around herself.

Gabriel pursed her lips, and started spelling out her terms, tone unchanging. "Heaven will release the Helltaker into your custody. In return, you must adhere to the following. You, and any and all associated demons under your command, will be forbidden from acting against any agent of Heaven." _Including in their defense,_ Lucifer's mind supplied, filling in the blanks. "No interference in our operations-" _which was vague and certainly not inspiring-_ "or resistance against them will be tolerated. In addition-"

"Stop," Lucifer snapped, and Gabriel stopped talking, impatience flaring in her eyes. And Lucifer _snapped._

"On what authority do you keep him? He's _ours._ "

"On what authority?" Gabriel parroted. "He has sufficiently demonstrated the goodness in his heart by traversing your realm, only doable with enough patience and diligence. He survived your Sin Machine just fine. And I need not remind you of the _patience-_ " she dragged the word out, with a meaningful look, "needed to live in a house full of _demons._ "

Lucifer sensed trouble. "What about chastity?"

Gabriel slowly grinned, the first expression she'd exhibited all day that wasn't indifference. It was awful.

"An exception could be made."

Lucifer saw _red._

 _"I am going to kick your ass to Hell and back,"_ she seethed, reaching over and grabbing Gabriel by that stupid, stupid cross attached to her front.

Gabriel stared up at her, unruffled.

Lucifer made a disgusted noise in her throat, releasing the angel and storming off. Moments later, two sets of footsteps followed her.

"You know, you didn't have to do that," Zdrada said to Azazel, when she thought Lucifer wasn't paying attention. "Talk about a waste of time and effort."

The angel stopped fiddling with the cross at her neck. "It was worth a try."

"Hah." What she didn't say was _You're an idiot,_ but the message was received loud and clear regardless.

* * *

"Bad?" Justice asked as soon as Lucifer stepped into the living room.

"Bad." Zdrada answered the question for her. "Can't believe you assholes got the party started without me." She beelined over to Malina's chair, Azazel gravitating to Modeus' side. In the trio's absence, the others had assembled all the chairs in the house around the dining table, and without a certain bulky human among them, it was a cozier fit.

"Leave my drink alo- HEY!" Malina didn't manage to keep her glass out of her sister's hands, watching as Zdrada downed it in one gulp, before sighing and setting the empty glass back where it was, flinging a hand around Malina's shoulders as she did. She then looked around the table. "What'd I miss?"

"We're drinking," Modeus offered the obvious answer. "Because _he's_ not here."

"Likely for the last time," Pandemonica added, though there was some desperate hope in her gaze when she looked at Lucifer. "I've already sent word to Hell."

"Arf." One-third of Cerberus watched as Lucifer peeled off her gloves, and gave them a suspicious sniff. Lucifer could hardly bring herself to care, unbuttoning her shirt's cuffs and rolling them up.

Malina took Zdrada's drink and moved it in front of Lucifer, who took it gratefully, raising the glass. Her eyes met Judgement's.

"To the man who made this happen."

_This isn't over._


	4. Return of the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a party. Words are exchanged. The characters collectively decide they want to do their own thing.

For what would be a farewell party (or, rather, until-we-meet-again, Hell wasn't _that_ big), nothing much had changed. Pandemonica dozed off between one round and the next. Judgement got louder the more she drank, her base volume nearing a shout by the third bottle. Zdrada took ice cubes from the freezer and crunched on them with her mouth open, till Malina begged her to stop.

Modeus was braiding Justice's hair.

Modeus was-?

"We convinced her to give romance a try," Azazel whispered to Lucifer. Lucifer eyed the angel askance, but she seemed serious.

 _"Braids?"_ That was hardly what one would consider _romantic._

"Baby steps," Justice said.

"It was my dear sister's idea," Zdrada said around her mouthful of frozen water. "Only Malinka could come up with that." _Cronch._

The demon in question raised her middle finger in Zdrada's direction from the stairs, where she'd retreated to, the Cerberus triplets squashed against her on three sides, stealing sips from her bottle when she let them.

"So, how bad was it?" Justice's voice cut into Lucifer's distraction.

Azazel excused herself ("The night is beautiful tonight. I'd like to study the stars.") and stepped out. Lucifer watched her leave with mild regret, before looking back at Justice. She raised her brows, in a pointed expression that said _I'm waiting._

"It was painful," Lucifer admitted. For some reasons that the others knew- the Helltaker's absence was telling- and many that they didn't.

Judgement snarled, slamming a fist on the table (Lucifer jolted, she hadn't realized the other was paying attention), the action prompting hands to grab at glasses before they toppled. Lucifer leaned out of her way, but the other demon made no move to punch the furniture again. _One more would put it out of its misery,_ she thought darkly.

"Weak," Zdrada drawled, pulling away from the wall, grinning nastily in Judgement's direction. The gust of air against her hair was the only warning Lucifer had before Judgement was at Zdrada's throat, other hand raised to strike. The Bitch Demon only let out a disbelieving cackle, her eyes lighting up in the way they tended to, right before she posed a challenge that was too infuriating to step down from.

Lucifer couldn't see Judgement's face, but her voice was loud enough to be heard regardless. "SAY THAT AGAIN."

Zdrada barely formed the 'W-' before Judgement threw a punch, ducking easily under it, throwing her arms out in a mocking shrug. Judgement yelled wordlessly and swung at her again, and _what was she doing? What were the both of them doing?!_

"Stand _down!_ " Lucifer screeched, jumping to her feet, but it was Cerberus who got to them first. One tried to drag Zdrada down, while the other tangled her arm around Judgement, earning an elbow in the face for it. That body let out a loud howl, releasing Judgement to cover her face, and Judgement followed it up with a glancing kick, more intent on maiming Zdrada, and-

_"I SAID STAND DOWN!"_

-and Judgement froze, fingers tangled in Zdrada's fringe, yanking her head forward. But Lucifer's sentence was punctuated instead by the _crunch_ of glass shattering, Malina's bottle breaking over Zdrada's head and dropping her.

The Sour Demon stared at her sister for several moments, only glancing up when Cerberus let out a whine. All three were teary-eyed with sympathetic pain, though only one was clutching at her face.

Modeus silently offered her a bag of peas from the freezer, before fleeing the awkward atmosphere.

Pandemonica slept on.

Lucifer sighed. This was not how she'd wanted this to go. In fact, it was as close to the exact opposite.

Judgement reached out to her, but she held up a hand, before gesturing to the stairs. Judgement paused, eyes flitting rapidly between Lucifer's hand and her face. After a moment, she jerkily nodded and left. Was this what the human tradition of 'grounding' was like? Hell if she knew.

That left her with...

"You depleted my good vodka," Malina groused. "I'm not drunk enough for this conversation, whatever it is."

"I apologize," Lucifer said.

The other flapped her hand dismissively. "You can make it up to me when we get back to Hell and out of each other's hair. Add more puzzles. We could use more spike pits."

"I'm not going back that soon." Not before pulling out all the stops. (Or rather, one very important one.)

Malina picked up her head. Something in Lucifer's expression must have given her intent away, for Malina's eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"We're not-" Lucifer made a conciliatory gesture while taking a step back out of Malina's stabbing radius. "You- Argh!" She stood there, shaking with anger, before throwing her hands up. "You're awful."

She was. "I know."

"I meant it." Malina's frown deepened, furrows appearing in her brow. "What are you trying to play at now?"

"No games. Just a simple, straightforward demonic invasion of Heaven."

"That's a _gamble_ at best." But the words had their effect, the bite leaving Malina's scowl. "Did you even tell anyone else?"

"Judgement knows." At the very least.

"Who else?"

Lucifer recalled- hm. Well, rather, she _didn't_ recall telling anyone. Lucifer really hadn't planned on bringing anyone else, except maybe Cerberus, her tracking was certainly valuable enough for-

"You're _impossible,_ " Malina hissed. "And you're _mad,_ if you thought for even _one second_ that you could just leave us like-"

"Okay."

Malina stopped short, expression suspicious.

"I'll fill you in tomorrow. All of you." Lucifer hadn't planned on surrendering, but it was this simple. She held up her hands, turning her body to signal that the conversation was over.

"You _better!_ " Malina marched over to where Pandemonica was snoozing, sweeping her up into a bridal-style carry and staggering up the stairs. She paused midway to glance back at Lucifer. "Cover Heaven in spike pits. They won't know what hit them."

"Your suggestion has been noted."

"And for the record. I am not doing this for _you._ " Well. Lucifer had no illusions about _that_ now. Malina glared at her for a moment longer, before giving a curt nod and disappearing.

At some point the Cerberus triplets had migrated from the table to one of the sofas. One flicked up an ear as Lucifer approached them. "We hate this."

Another let out a low growl. It was the one holding the peas to her face. "We're falling apart."

The third grunted, muttering out a quiet, "It hurts to watch."

Lucifer patted a shoulder, and got her hand sniffed at. Better than nothing, she supposed.

Just one last thing before she began her own task, the only reason Lucifer even came back to the house. Sure, she liked some of the others on occasion, but not enough to linger if she didn't have to.

"You'll want to go upstairs. There might be yelling."

On the last word, Cerberus looked at her, shocked. All three of them. "You're not," one insisted, "You're not going to punish her."

"Wrath is part of a demon's lifeblood. I'm hardly going to yell at Judgement for getting angry." Or Zdrada for being herself. Oh, there would definitely be words, and there would definitely be words at a raised volume, but that could wait. "Do call her down, though."

Cerberus frowned thrice over at her, but they dragged themselves off the couch, detouring to return the peas. This time, all three stuck together, shoulder to shoulder. And it occurred to Lucifer that this was the first time she'd seen the demon so subdued.

* * *

Judgement appeared on the stair soon- not as soon as she could have, but Lucifer wouldn't want to risk her own temper either. Lucifer stared at her until she grudgingly joined her on the carpet, gaze shifting anywhere _but_ on Lucifer before settling on- the window?

She followed Judgement's gaze. Azazel and Modeus were standing in the grass. Sometime in the past few hours, someone had taken a lawnmower to it. There were still tracks in the grass, naked soil peeking through, some of the sections a deeper brown than the others.

They were standing in the grass, and they were grappling with each other. (Modeus was winning.) Lucifer squinted at them.

She was spared from saying anything by the sound of a window slamming open upstairs, Pandemonica screaming at them. _"THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS NEIGHBOURHOOD."_

Good old Monica.

The duo jumped away from each other, flustered, before settling down at a respectable two feet apart. That little display eased the tension tremendously. Judgement looked less likely to bolt for the stair, at least. Not that she could, though, with someone in the way.

"Oi, if you're up to what I think, I'm not going to miss it for the world. Fancy seeing Beelzebub again after all this time." It hadn't been a difficult deduction for Justice to make, the former High Prosecutor familiar with this particular case. She slid down the bannister, landing solidly on both feet. "And hi to you too."

Judgement glanced at Lucifer. She inclined her head in return- Beelzebub had been exiled for a reason, and if she was going to summon the demon in a house, more firepower was better than less. If Justice wanted to hang around, she was entirely welcome to. Satisfied, Judgement turned to the blind demon. "Anything I should know?"

Justice frowned thoughtfully, brows raising.

"Keep your guard up," Lucifer said.

"Ditto." Justice gestured in Lucifer's vague direction. "Beelzebub is a crafty old fly alright, but not unbeatable."

"You'd say that," Lucifer smiled even though Justice wouldn't be able to see it. "You've already managed it once."

"And it was _epic._ A battle for the ages."

"Even with your-" Judgement gestured at her face.

Justice actually let out a snort of laughter, shaking her head with evident amusement. "Beelzebub is eighty percent leg and loud as sin. You'd have to be both blind _and_ deaf to not land a single hit."

"It's the wings. Beel has wings."

Justice mouthed _'Beel!'_

Lucifer elbowed her. "Beelzebub. Beelzebub has wings. Now quiet, and let me work in peace."

Judgement shifted from one foot to another, as Lucifer began the summoning on the pentagram of the carpet. The steps were familiar and easy even after all these years. She hadn't had to use this spell in a while, but to every demon, there were certain things that always came naturally. Like riding a bicycle, if a demon would ever stoop to that level.

A portal opened.

"Beelzebub," Lucifer said.

The large fly, whose bulk did not entirely fit in the window of the portal, hummed in acknowledgement. "Lucifer."

"I-" Lucifer paused, considering her words. "I need a boon."

Beelzebub actually leaned forward in interest, and that was rarely (if ever) a good sign.

"Trouble in paradise?"

 _You're here to ask for help,_ Lucifer firmly reminded herself, a twitch belying her anger. Damn Beelzebub for still being able to get under her skin, even after all this time.

"My dear Lucy," Beelzebub said, amused, "Is something the matter?"

 _Don't lose it._ "Yes," she grit out.

Beelzebub held out four clawed hands, the other two arms neatly folding out of sight. "If you need anything, all you have to do is ask. Your wish is my command."

And that was the problem, wasn't it? Demons never gave favours out freely, there were _expectations,_ and _debts._

Justice nudged Lucifer away from the window, leaning in and occupying her silence. "What's up, big guy?"

"You-!" Beelzebub actually recoiled, wings flaring out in a panicked motion.

"Yes, me. I said I was gonna watch this, but it's late, and I have a few more bedtime stories to read."

"What?"

'What?' Lucifer silently echoed at nobody in particular, before shooing Justice away from the window. Beelzebub levelled a claw at her.

"You lot seem to have gone soft."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Lucifer took a steadying breath, tossing her hair back. "Right now? The Helltaker is in Heaven. We're going to get him back."

Unexpectedly, Beelzebub didn't preen at having been right, the fly's hands hovering in midair. A moment passed in silence.

"...and by 'we', who do you mean?"

"Oh, I don't know yet." Lucifer glanced at Judgement. "We'll see."

"Oh, we'll see." Beelzebub snorted. "Does that include me? Asking for a friend."

"Don't push your luck," Lucifer said, though she was pretty clear where Beelzebub would fit in the equation. (Maybe she'd known, all along, that it was inevitable.) "Naughty demons stay in time-out," she added, with more spite than intended.

"What, no, Lucy-" Beelzebub seemed frantic now. "Lucy, don't leave me in here, it's lonely like you wouldn't believe and I'd kill for some actual company."

"Don't think I could. Get up, Beel."

Beelzebub got up, extending arms towards the window, and Lucifer reached out with one in return. Large claws wrapped around her wrist, and for a heart-stopping moment, Lucifer thought Beelzebub would try and drag her into the portal.

Then it passed, and both were standing in the middle of the carpet.

Beelzebub was the first to let go, hands smoothing down the front of her jacket. "That was fun," she said, grinning, and Lucifer had once thought she'd never see that face again.

And then Beelzebub got sidetracked by her own suit, and Lucifer took advantage of her momentary distraction to assess the other. The Mistress of the Flies had opted for a similar form, though she had always been a bit taller than the average demon, fluffy hair exactly how Lucifer remembered it. _No touching,_ she told herself. She'd given that up long ago.

"So," she said, and Beelzebub's eyes snapped to her. "What's your deal?"

"Besides escaping that horrid void?" _That you left me to rot in,_ went unsaid. "I'm invested too."

Lucifer didn't miss the 'not that you cared' under the other's breath, nor the deliberate way that she turned to Judgement and added, "All of you were getting along _so_ nicely!" in an overly cheerful tone. She waited, until Beelzebub's gaze directed itself back at her.

"What do you mean by 'invested'?"

Beelzebub stopped fiddling with the fly-pattern lace around her wrist, narrowing her eyes and staring down at Lucifer.

"Living humans need an angel's blessing to enter Heaven. Hell is no different."

Was that supposed to mean something?

"Who do you think let your Helltaker in?" Her gaze darkened. "Dedicated as he may be, it is literally impossible for a mortal to accomplish his feats. Not without, dare I say, some _intervention._ "

At Lucifer's look of dawning realization, Beelzebub snorted again.

"You can thank me after we deal with our upstairs acquaintances and the _fine mess_ they've made."


	5. Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are times when ten people can get up and ready very quickly. This is not one of them.

"You didn't have to hit so hard."

"You didn't have to pick a fight." Malina's tone was less than sympathetic, the demon barely sparing Zdrada a brisk glance before sweeping over to the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee with practiced ease.

"Don't burn it," Lucifer cautioned her, as she dumped a terrifying amount of sugar in the pot. "We don't have any spares."

"We don't?" Malina asked, turning to look at her from the corner of an eye.

"We used to, until _somebody_ destroyed them." Along with most of the glass and ceramic sharing their segment of the cabinet. That particular spill hadn't been pretty. Most of the items had been replaced (as well as the vacuum cleaner, it'd up and died between the crockery fragments and Cerberus' doggy shed) but the extra coffee makers weren't among them. "Don't break this one or Pandemonica's breaking _your_ fingers."

Malina scoffed, turning away. She filled the pot with water, sliding it back into the machine with a _click_ and deftly powering it on. "At least she appreciates my effort."

Zdrada let out a suspiciously timed laugh, quickly covered by the sound of the coffee maker doing its thing. Malina ignored her, leaning back against the counter. "Don't you have an ex to bug?"

"I am not going to pester her!" Lucifer said, at the same time as Beelzebub's "She's not my ex."

She hadn't said much since her arrival, sitting down by a wall and tucking her knees under her chin, resting her arms on them. One hand was on her phone, and judging from the lazy swiping motions of her thumb, scrolling some newsfeed or other. It wasn't the least dignified position Lucifer had seen the Queen Crimson in, but it was odd.

(Something about seeing her as she was didn't sit well with her. Easier to tell yourself you did the right thing, when whoever you wronged stayed out of sight.)

"You two were the battle couple to end all others, weren't you?" Judgement's pale eyes were trained on Lucifer, though her eyes flickered down after a moment. "At least, that's what I heard from the rest."

"We fell out before your time."

"Oh." Judgement tapped the fingertips of her gauntlet against the table, mouth twisting in a frown. "Shame."

They glanced up as Modeus came in, dropping into the nearest empty chair, and offering an out with her presence. "How was the date?" Lucifer asked sweetly, just to watch the Lustful Demon flush.

"You can't ask that, you can't just ask about- _that!_ "

Judgement braced herself on one elbow to grin at Modeus, opening her mouth.

"Ju, I really like you, but _I will stab you if you even try._ " Her voice pitched itself higher as she talked, the demon clearly flustered.

"Didn't need to know that," Malina muttered, retreating into the kitchen.

Judgement gave a shrug, before nudging Modeus' leg with her own- it had to be, for Modeus squeaked and gave her a betrayed look. "Come on. I'm waiting."

Lucifer let them be- the coffee was ready, in any case. She poured out a mug, then walked to Beelzebub, nudging one of her feet with her own. Beelzebub glanced up, and she offered the coffee, which was met with a blank stare.

"...Thanks." Don't thank her _that_ quickly! Lucifer handed over the live grenade of a gift, before walking to the porch.

Where was Azazel?

She stepped out, glancing down the road. Now would be the _worst_ time for the angel to up and disappear, they needed her to get into Heaven!

Lucifer had just re-entered the house to continue her search, when she saw Pandemonica appear with uncharacteristic lateness and in her pyjamas, sailing past everyone (even Beelzebub, with her ill-gotten drink, to Lucifer's disappointment) to take the whole jug of coffee, before retreating. And when Lucifer concentrated, she could hear faint yelling from upstairs.

She sighed.

"-Azazel, you can't stay in there forever!" That was Cerberus, scratching at the door.

"If you need me to kick the door down, just yell."

"You will be doing _no such thing,_ " Lucifer informed Justice, before shooing her down the stairs. Pandemonica nodded at her tiredly, before taking a gulp out of the (certainly still very hot) coffee jug, her expression sharpening as the fatige faded.

Cerberus stepped away from the door, one of them chirping out a 'Good morning, Lady Lucifer!' Lucifer offered them a smile, before turning back to Pandemonica.

Her assistant leaned in to the door, teeth flashing as she loudly announced through the wood, "If you don't get out of there, when I break in, I will raze Heaven to the ground and _I will make you watch._ "

Beat.

The door opened, Azazel's eye appearing in the crack with a timid, "You wouldn't...?"

Pandemonica forced the door open the rest of the way, dragging Azazel out by the back of her collar and depositing her in the hallway, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her. The lock clicked, tone final.

"Way to go," Cerberus said, shepherding the angel downstairs. Azazel cast Lucifer a furtive look over her shoulder, and Lucifer felt her heart sink.

Downstairs, Beelzebub had taken over Lucifer's seat, currently entertaining Modeus and Judgement, the younger demons hanging on her every word. Justice was seated with them, slowly gnawing away at a pancake that was more chocolate than pancake. And on closer inspection, possibly more carbon than pancake too.

"That's my chair."

Beelzebub didn't even look at Lucifer as she was evicted from the seat, moving to hover in a far corner with her coffee for company. (Lucifer got two disapproving looks for it.)

"Don't let her corrupt you," she warned them.

"Too late," Judgement said. "She gave Modeus a reading list."

"They were _recommendations,_ " Modeus said, pocketing her phone, blush rising on her face. "The tale of Mister Crowley and Mister Fell seems... interesting."

That sounded familiar. "The apocalyptic romance?"

Modeus nodded.

"Have fun reading about _dates_ and-" _Justice!_

"No spoilers!"

Justice held up her hands, before popping the rest of her pancake into her mouth and crunching it up. Lucifer glanced at Beelzebub, who was trying (unsuccessfully) to hide her smile behind her cup. "She's always been a fan of dramatic narratives."

"There's a telly series, if you want to watch that. Grab Azazel, make it a date night. You two can even _hold hands._ "

"Kinky," Judgement deadpanned, and Modeus cracked up.

* * *

Lucifer made a batch of better pancakes before Pandemonica reappeared, relieving Malina so she could clean up instead. She made a point to offer some to Cerberus and Azazel, and none to Zdrada. (She hadn't gotten over last night _that_ quickly.)

Zdrada was still on the floor, though at some point she'd rolled over, pillowing her arms behind her head. She squinted up at Lucifer.

"Invading Heaven?"

Azazel gave a jolt that had Lucifer wondering _what exactly_ the others had been saying. "Just to get the Helltaker back," she clarified, more for the angel's benefit than Zdrada's.

The demon yawned. "Have fun."

"You're not coming?" Cerberus asked.

"Hell nah." Zdrada turned her head to look at the other demon. "I'm an invalid. You can't make me go."

"Sister dear, the only thing not working is what you call a _brain._ " Malina's head appeared in the kitchen's entrance.

"Ouch," Zdrada said, but she was grinning. "Just give me a few more hours. Or don't."

"You can stay down here," Lucifer offered, to her mild surprise. "Between your sister, Judgement, Beelzebub and-" she glanced at Cerberus, who nodded. "-and Cerberus, that's plenty." Not including anyone else deciding to tag along. And she wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible. She didn't want Beelzebub sticking around for longer than necessary.

"Well. Godspeed, then."

The blessing was a little inappropriate, but before she could comment Lucifer saw Pandemonica, and _this was going to be good._ She watched the other demon as she stopped mid-way to the kitchen, empty jug in hand.

"Coffee," Pandemonica said to Beelzebub, unhappy.

"It was Lucifer's. I stole it, it's mine now." Beelzebub calmly took a sip as Pandemonica advanced on Lucifer, and- _hey, this wasn't- no!_ Lucifer glanced at the table. Modeus was watching them with a hand over her mouth, amused, and even Judgement was pointedly staring at the ceiling.

_Assholes._

* * *

One dressing-down and a human (demon-and-Azazel?) chain later, Lucifer found herself back outside Heaven's lobby, surrounded by almost everyone. Almost. Zdrada had waved Azazel away when she offered to ferry her separately, and the angel didn't protest, leaving her to sleep off the concussion in peace.

"Team," Lucifer cringed inwardly at the word, but there weren't many other ways to phrase it. (Well, 'strike force' was more descriptive, but also more likely to scare Azazel off. She was skittish enough without them piling more anxiety on top, thank you very much.)

The demons snapped to attention, and Lucifer gestured to Beelzebub.

Beelzebub hummed, gaze sharpening as she looked around the group. "I'll make this clear- we're only here for the human. We find him, then we leave. No sense kicking up a fuss and having all of Heaven on us." She glanced down at Lucifer. "Unless that was your plan."

"Please. Between the two of us I'm not the one for theatrics."

Beelzebub's expression turned amused for a moment, acknowledging her point. It passed quickly, and she snapped to each member of the troop in turn.

"Cerberus, see if you can't find the Helltaker. Judgement, you go with her. There may be resistance. Modeus, you stick together with Azazel. Pandemonica-" Pandemonica raised a finger at Beelzebub, before pushing up her glasses, and Beelzebub skipped over her. "Malina, keep an eye on those two," she gestured at Azazel, the angel suddenly looking a lot more disquieted. "Azazel, do what you want. Just bear in mind you won't be as welcome, the next time you return."

Azazel shivered. Justice raised her brows, visible over her shades. Beelzebub sighed.

"You, be awesome," she said, somewhat grumpily. Lucifer couldn't suppress a snicker, and received a glare for it.

Pandemonica tapped Lucifer on the shoulder before she stormed into the lobby, head high. There was the sound of her heels clicking against marble, before the screaming started- and was cut off equally abruptly. That was her cue.

Angels had steel, the metal of their swords tempered specifically against demons. Demons also had steel, spears and daggers that were no less sharp, though they didn't usually _need_ them. Lucifer thumbed her scabbard, before drawing from it in a quick motion, raising the heavy knife over her head. (It wasn't her pitchfork, but she left her pitchfork in Hell. And a blade was a blade.)

"Well?" she said to the rest. "Give them Hell."

Cerberus nodded her understanding, the three demon girls' forms shifting between one moment and the next, replaced by a three-headed white wolf. It was massive, with Lucifer only coming up to its shoulder. She had never quite managed a bestial form herself, nor did she see the need to, but there was always a thrill up Lucifer's spine when she faced one in person. (A holdover from _before_ , perhaps? Now was not the time to consider such questions.) It glanced at Lucifer, before stalking into the lobby.

Lucifer followed. Pandemonica was seated behind it, the angelic receptionist nowhere in sight. The demon was shuffling through the files, nose wrinkled in disgust.

"The files are a mess. And why does this place smell like smoke?"

Ask Zdrada.

"I smell the smoke." Cerberus set one head on the counter. "I can't smell him."

"He didn't come through here, then." Pandemonica made a small 'a-ha!' as she shook out a file, a map slipping out its end. Lucifer squinted at the tiny text on it, even as her secretary pulled out another ring file and flipped to its very end, running her finger down it and muttering under her breath.

"There." She produced a yellow highlighter, boxing around the lobby, then around their destination, before deftly tracing a route that linked both. "Shortest path. Can you see this?"

Cerberus barked what sounded like a 'nope', and Pandemonica passed the map to Judgement, who gave it a once-over before passing it to Lucifer.

In the distance, they heard the crash of a gate falling open.

"Your time to shine, kid," Justice said from behind them, and Lucifer felt a thrum through her being as the Sin Machine, locked safely in the depths of Hell, began to turn. Judgement seemed to have felt it as well, steely gaze fixing on the doorway as she visibly braced herself, holding out both arms.

The rattle and snap of the first chains appearing was drowned out by a war-cry, one that Lucifer hadn't heard in a long time, and hadn't _used_ for longer.

Both sides met in a jarring clash of steel against steel, Judgement's voice rising above the noise.

"LIARS AND THIEVES, YOU WHO WOULD COVET THAT WHICH WAS NOT YOURS TO BEGIN WITH! HEAR MY WORDS, AND _FEAR._ "


	6. The Hunt for the Helltaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Groupwork at its finest.

"Well, don't I feel redundant." In the time it'd taken for Lucifer to blaze a path through the lobby, the attached hallway, the next atrium and back, Beelzebub hadn't moved an inch. The Mistress of the Flies hadn't been idle, however, the shoulders of her jacket now dark with the insects that lent her the title. As Lucifer watched, a handful pulled away under unheard directions.

"You'll live," Lucifer said with a snort. She swung her knife, scattering a group of angels- they weren't going to get the drop on her _that_ easily! Heaven must have sunk as far as she had, she thought uncharitably, if it was encouraging its soldiers to strike enemies with their backs turned, but Lucifer's eyes were already picking out rookie mistakes. Stiffness in elbows and shoulders and wrists, footwork that was more neat than practical, and _trying to parry, of all the things. Idiots._

The blade was hardly as heavy as it felt- she was swinging it flat first and the drag was unreal- but the light rapiers that Heaven favoured hardly stood up to it, the split and warped metal already littering the ground proof of the fact.

It was a damn good thing she wasn't here for vengeance.

Lucifer didn't realize she'd voiced that last thought out loud until Beelzebub gave her an odd look.

"Talking to yourself, Lucy?"

"You must be hearing things," Lucifer said, deflecting another attack with more force than necessary.

"Right now," Beelzebub said, and Lucifer didn't even have to be facing her, to see the smirk on her face, "I'm stuck listening to you stomping around. It's almost like you have something to prove."

Before she knew it, Lucifer's hand was fisted in the front of Beelzebub's shirt, pressing the other against one of those _stupid_ pillars. "I didn't call you up here for armchair psychology," she pointed out. "Stop trying to get in my head, do us both a favour, and _make yourself useful_."

Beelzebub stared up at her, wide-eyed, before her gaze abruptly slid to the left, and before Lucifer could snap out a _'what?'_ her hands were moving.

In the next instant, something wet scattered across Lucifer's shoulder.

She risked a glance.

Beelzebub had both hands clamped around the blade of a sword, the tip scant inches from her own shoulder. It had slashed through the fabric of one of her gloves, blood seeping into the cloth and staining it a sickly shade of rust. As Lucifer watched, it dripped, splattering against the tile of the floor.

Its wielder was suddenly looking a _lot_ more terrified.

"There are many things I could say about angels, but _cowardly_ is new," Beelzebub hissed over Lucifer's shoulder. The ambient buzzing intensified in a rush as her flies moved to swarm the culprit, the angel taking a panicked half-step back, then another, releasing the sword to bat at the insects. The other angels froze, clearly not used to such a line of attack, ditching the demons in favour of trying to help their friend.

Lucifer felt sick.

Beelzebub let go of the sword, letting it clatter harmlessly to the ground. She turned her injured hand inwards, supporting it with her other arm, shouldering past Lucifer. "You're slipping."

Lucifer couldn't fault that neutral observation either, just turning to gaze at her back.

At the lack of response, the other demon turned, but whatever expression Lucifer was wearing made her visibly reconsider her next words. Instead, Beelzebub narrowed her eyes, head jerking to the side in a rough nod. "Are you coming?"

"Give me a moment."

Beelzebub glanced at the angels, decided said moment wasn't worth wasting, and shifted back with an irritated sigh (that was hers) and horrified yells (those weren't).

Okay, maybe Beel could terrorize the angels a little. And Lucifer could catch a break while she was at it. She unclenched her fist, kneaded her fingers into what humans called the trapezius- when Azazel took that crash course on their biology, anyone who cared to listen to the the angel gained some new vocabulary at the expense of their sanity- and watched as Beelzebub advanced on the angels with intent.

In this form, her armour proved too tough for the swords, the angel's strikes glancing off Beelzebub, and _honestly!_ What were they even teaching nowadays?

This group proved both distractible _and_ flighty, not having landed a solid hit between them before they collectively decided to run instead of risk Beel's ire. Surprisingly, nobody died. Nobody lost any appendages. They were fine.

Beelzebub switched back to her more human form with a litle flourish at the end, before she turned to peer at Lucifer, gaze expectant.

"They'll be back with reinforcements. We should move."

"After you," Beelzebub said.

* * *

They didn't move.

Not yet, anyway. Like Hell, Heaven had the one gate in and out, and it _would_ be their luck to find it barricaded once they were good and ready to leave.

Lucifer really should have brought spike pits- oh, speak of the devil.

Malina stormed up, Modeus close behind her. As Lucifer watched, dense bushes sprung up behind them, thorny stems and jagged leaves forcing their way through the stones of the floor towards the Sour Demon's open palm before keeling over under their own weight only to generate more shoots.

One glance at Malina's face gave away exactly _how_ poorly it had gone- while she was generally varying degrees of frowny with an occasional other emotion peeking through, her present expression was carefully blank. Conversely, Modeus didn't even bother to hide her upset, tail flitting back and forth even as she stared at the far wall.

Beelzebub looked between them and the hedge that Malina was generating, but the latter demon shook her head. "We're not going back for her."

 _Her,_ meaning Azazel.

"What happened?" Lucifer ground out. No answer was forthcoming, and her patience and nerves were both running thin. If there was a problem-!

"Nothing. Nothing happened." Modeus met Lucifer's gaze with a startling intensity. "Azazel's still an _angel_ , after all." She looked away. The word alone spoke volumes.

"She decided to stand by Heaven?" Beelzebub hazarded, and it earned a wince and glare. "Apologies, dear."

Malina made an annoyed noise, before walling up another path with a sharp slashing motion. "Please say you've found the Helltaker."

"It'll happen." Lucifer did point her in the direction that Pandemonica indicated- the trail of destruction would be enough to go by. Modeus hung back by the gates, producing a heavy sledgehammer, signalling to Lucifer that she could guard them. That settled, Lucifer double-checked Pandemonica's map, tracing the path.

There were signs of conflict all over, discarded swords and splashes of blood, sometimes careless footprints that faded out after a few steps, though on the whole, it was relatively clear. At least the other demons had taken their warning seriously- that, or they'd gone to the effort of hiding a bunch of dead bodies. A handy skill, in any event, but they _were_ supposed to keep the collateral damage down.

* * *

They passed through three whole halls before encountering another of theirs. Justice was tackling a different fleet of angels headfirst, a short white cane in hand that she used to swat at swords and arms. If there was anything to say about her fighting form, it'd be that it was _effective_. Cleverly placed elbow jabs and follow-ups ensured that even if the cane itself didn't strike her opponent, something else would.

Lucifer's eyes were drawn to the floor instead.

One of the downed angels was clutching her face, though her eyes were fixed on Justice's back, other arm creeping towards her sword. Lucifer stomped on the hand and earned a satisfying yell.

Beelzebub actually clicked her tongue at Lucifer for it, a brow raised.

"I look out for my own," she kicked the angel over with a _'and stay down!'_ and looked up in time to catch Justice wandering over.

"'How's that for awesome?" She threw her hands out in a 'ta-da!' motion, before leaning forwards on her cane, glancing in their vague directions. "I heard screaming."

"Ah, yes. The screaming," Lucifer said dryly, in the same tone she'd use for a _'must have been your imagination, officer.'_

"Screaming," Beelzebub added cheekily.

Justice looked towards Beelzebub, the tip of her cane hovering uncertainly. "I'd say terrified yelling does improve a boring afternoon."

Beelzebub snorted, and Justice poked her with the cane.

"What was that for?"

"I've been waiting to do that for a while," she said, grinning blandly. Beelzebub gave her the stink eye.

"Watch out, or I'll break your stick."

Lucifer didn't doubt for a moment that she'd follow through on that idle threat, though Justice only grinned wider. "You can certainly _try._ "

"OUT MISSION COMES FIRST! YOUR DISAGREEMENT CAN WAIT."

_Rattle-snap._

Lucifer glanced up in time to catch Judgement swooping towards them, catching herself on an appearing chain, before dropping soundly in front of her. She couldn't see Cerberus or the Helltaker himself yet, though Malina was still walling off (hedging off?) passages and corridors, the demon's head turning at the loud voice.

"Report."

"THE HELLTAKER WAS NOT IN HIS CELL," Judgement said, sounding as cross as Lucifer felt (it was a petty comfort). "HE ESCAPED UNDER HIS OWN POWER. CERBERUS IS IN PURSUIT."

Behind her, Malina made a strangling motion, a sprout of vegetation accompanying it.

"HE WILL BE LOCATED, WHY ARE ALL OF YOU LIKE THIS??" Judgement made a similarly annoyed gesture, before bounding off. As the High Prosecutor passed an open juncture, Lucifer heard faint shrieking. Someone was clearly making an impression.

* * *

Lucifer was close to giving up trying to find Cerberus entirely, in favour of simply stalling in the hallway and waiting for everyone else to find them, when her thoughts were interrupted by a harsh flutter of wings. She turned to look at Beelzebub, who was tucking them away, a distinct gleeful air to her.

"I found him," she declared, sweeping an arm out in an entirely different direction from where they'd been heading.

Lucifer gave her a doubtful look.

Her smile turned into a scowl.

"I don't call up my flies just for them to hover and look pretty, you know."

"Could have had me fooled," Lucifer said, for no real reason beyond annoyance. (Hers, or Beel's, she wasn't sure.)

"I'm certain _you_ didn't call me up to hover and look pretty, either." Beelzebub was definitely looking annoyed now. Justice didn't even bother to hide her laugh, shoulders still shaking even as she gestured for Beelzebub to lead the way before they could get dragged further down the conversational rabbit hole.

Lucifer was hardly going to leave both of them together and moreso _unsupervised_ , so she steered Justice in the direction Beelzebub walked, a few paces behind the other demon, who avoided looking at either of them.

Their new route brought them up a flight of stairs, then down a straight corridor, and another one joining perpendicular to it. Beelzebub stopped partway through, throwing a window open and leaning out.

"That's it?" Lucifer peered out beside her.

Below the window, there was a little garden. A little garden, with a familiar human in it. The Helltaker was surrounded by angels, red jacket stark against the sea of white.

Beelzebub clambered out onto the wide ledge, moving over to allow Lucifer room to pull herself through the window as well. She took a closer look. The angels would be a bit more intimidating if she couldn't see them clinging to the Helltaker in a manner resembling lost ducklings, the man talking to them as he shuffled up and down the area.

"So we meet again," Beelzebub called to him. "Helltaker."

The Helltaker snapped his head around, the angels trailing behind him shooting Beelzebub wary looks, but the demon only had eyes for him. His were uncovered, shades absent, allowing them to see his confusion.

_"Beelzebub?"_

"The one and only," she confirmed, giving a bow. "At your service."

"Er," the Helltaker said. Beelzebub chuckled.

"I thought you might find this form more comfortable to converse with." She spread her wings, dropping down to the ground. Lucifer sheathed her knife and followed a moment later.

From her new angle, she could see that the garden was walled off, one door in and out, the entrance barred with a heavy-looking crossbeam. Hardly an obstacle for anyone with working wings, but she could see why the Helltaker was stuck here.

She levelled a glare at the angels.

One burst into tears, and the Helltaker frowned at her. Lucifer gave him an equally unhappy look. "You're not getting rid of us that easily."

"I couldn't replace you, even if I wanted to." Aww.

Lucifer's grin was sharp but genuine as she told him, "Careful what you think, or I'll cut your tongue out of your head."

He shrugged it off, heading over to the window- Lucifer's bark had always been worse than her bite. She considered stabbing him for it, but surely this situation called for kidnappee amnesty.

"I'll catch you," he told Justice.

"Sweet." She scooched off the edge of the roof, landing neatly in his arms, although the demon did end up elbowing him in the face. "What happened to your shades?"

"Long story."

"You can borrow mine, if you want." Justice pulled hers off with one hand, snapping the arms together before offering them to him.

"They wouldn't fit." The Helltaker took them anyway, setting them on his face as he let Justice down. "Thank you regardless."

"Ehh," she said, flapping a hand at him. "So it's not laser vision?"

"Nope," Lucifer told her. "Pay up."

"Darn." Justice seemed more put out by the Helltaker's lack of laser vision than losing the bet itself, dutifully forking over ten bucks. Lucifer pocketed the money, before giving the angels another glare for good measure.

It was disrupted by a heavy thud, her eyes flying to the entrance. The bar shivered as the door was slammed into with another thud. And on the third slam, it snapped, splinters flying inwards as the door collapsed under Pandemonica's fist. She picked over the shattered wood and stepped in, demons spilling out behind her into the garden.

At the same time, the exit swung open.

"Fuck," Gabriel said.

"You! _I knew it!_ " Cerberus howled, drowning out Beelzebub's quieter _'that's my line.'_


	7. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody dies. Nobody gives Lucifer any answers, either, but she'll take it.

It took the collective room a moment to process the words, glancing between Cerberus and Gabriel, frozen where they stood. Cerberus took another deep breath, eyes wide as she stared at the angel. "That was you. All over the car. You caused the accident."

Gabriel's eyes narrowed, but she- tellingly- didn't deny the accusation.

"So it's true, then?" Malina said.

"LOOKS LIKE IT." When Lucifer glanced sideways, Judgement had a hand propped under her chin, glowing eyes narrowed at Gabriel, tail lashing. "THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DOES HEAVEN WANT WITH A HUMAN?"

"My thoughts exactly," Pandemonica added. "Though that shouldn't matter to you, Prosecutor."

"IT DOESN'T." Judgement raised herself to full height, smacking one gauntleted fist into her other palm, wings flaring. "THE TIME FOR QUESTIONS HAS PASSED, AND THE FACTS ARE CLEAR! NO ONE IS ABOVE CONSEQUENCES. HOW DO YOU PLEAD?"

"Silence, _demon._ "

"Don't talk to her like that," Cerberus growled.

Gabriel's eyes flitted from Judgement, to Cerberus, to Beelzebub, to Lucifer, and the abrupt shift in her expression and her hand to her waist was their only warning.

Three things happened in very close succession:

One, Judgement threw out a hand as Gabriel lunged forward, restraining chains materializing into existence too little, too late.

Two, the Helltaker took a step to the left, intent on shielding Lucifer with his body if nothing else.

Three, Azazel slid out from behind a pillar and planted herself squarely in the warpath.

The bullwhip struck her with a _crack_ , Azazel staggering backwards at the impact until she bumped up against one of the horizontal chains, one hand holding onto it to support herself. Gabriel glowered at her, but another chain slashed across the space between them before she could make another move. Instead, Gabriel used her other hand to slowly coil the remainder of the whip, tsking lightly. "Really, Azazel? I expected better from you."

"Then you don't know me that well." Azazel raised her chin defiantly.

They locked gazes for a long moment, not speaking, before the elder angel's turned steely. "You have five seconds to stand down, before _I make you._ "

"These are my friends," Azazel didn't turn around, though her grip on the chain tightened. "Do we have a problem, _ma'am?_ "

Gabriel's eye twitched.

Because Azazel had a _death wish, apparently,_ she didn't move when Gabriel drew her hand backwards over her shoulder. Pandemonica was faster, her clipboard spinning forward in a smooth line to slam into the angel's wrist, forcing her to drop her weapon.

Gabriel's gaze met Lucifer's once again, before the angel made a clear gesture over her head. A silent command.

 _A bruised ego wasn't grounds for war!_ But any protest Lucifer could have made (and would have, as loudly as she could manage) died on her tongue as she heard the cold sound of swords being pulled from sheaths. "Azazel, _move!_ "

Azazel dived for the floor, hands flying up to cover her head as the chains whipped around, the cage they'd formed dissolving as they were redirected to form haphazard trip-lines across the floor space as Judgement took flight with a shout.

Gabriel had made a terrible decision- it couldn't be anything short of _reckless_ , the odds were stacked too high against the angels to be anything but- but Lucifer suddenly felt uneasy. She tugged at the Helltaker's sleeve, turning to Beelzebub with a sharp, "Get us out of here!"

"One minute." That wasn't Beelzebub! Lucifer squinted at Pandemonica, who was wielding another clipboard like... a clipboard. (Or any other appropriately hard, rectangular, flat and inexpensive implement, which was a rather narrow category.) She smacked an angel in the face with it, before shepherding the Helltaker towards the exit. "Follow those two!"

With a last glance at Lucifer, he reluctantly went, and Lucifer returned her attention to the much-emptier room. Between Judgement and Cerberus, the angels hadn't stood a chance, and Beelzebub...

Well, Beelzebub had Gabriel's whip tangled around one arm, and a fistful of dark hair in the other. Her long legs made her attempts to knee the angel in the gut awkward, but the angel wasn't faring any better.

Lucifer sighed, then turned and whistled sharply.

The two remaining demons turned at the sound, noting the situation. Judgement raised a brow at Lucifer, who gave a frown and shrug in response. They picked up their cue to leave easily enough, and heeded it with a last once-over of the area, the garden now trashed beyond recognition.

Ha.

"Beel. You can stop now." Not that she was feeling sorry for Gabriel or anything. Beelzebub hauled the angel forward by her collar, twisting one arm behind her back.

"Come for your revenge, have you?" She looked more resigned than anything, eyes pointed towards the floor. Lucifer and Beelzebub exchanged a glance, before Lucifer slowly shook her head.

"I got what I came for." And he was surely waiting for them outside, knowing the man. "An explanation would be nice."

Gabriel barked out a laugh, loud and bitter. "You never did make it easy."

"So, no answers? Shame." Beelzebub glanced skyward in an unaffected manner, image ruined slightly by the blood streaked across her cheek. "For the record, I think you're the one being difficult here."

Lucifer snorted. _No shit._

Beelzebub dropped Gabriel unceremoniously, pacing around with her hands clasped behind her. The angel didn't move, but she started glaring from below her fringe, which would be more effective from someone not on their knees in defeat. It was on the demon's third pass that she addressed Lucifer, the words taking a bit to sink in.

"This could be whatever you want it to be," she said, stopping right behind Gabriel. "Nobody's watching."

Lucifer stared as she picked up a sword by the blade, turning its hilt towards her in invitation.

"Did you miss the memo that I wasn't here to kill anyone?" She took the sword anyway, turning it towards the floor and considering the neat little _A_ near its guard. After a moment, she eyed Beelzebub. "Oh, and if you ever pull that stunt again, I'll end you myself."

"What stunt?" Beelzebub asked, grin bright.

Another moment of dubious staring, and she cracked, producing a handkerchief and wiping herself off. Lucifer sighed, crossing her arms. That wouldn't be an easy discussion, and they were absolutely not going to have it _here_. She gave Gabriel one last venomous glare, before turning on her heel and leaving. She'd had enough of this place.

* * *

Azazel gave a little squeak when they spotted her, wringing her hands as she lurked by the door.

Lucifer reached out to pat her shoulder.

To her surprise, Azazel leaned in, and started to giggle, slowly escalating to hysterical laughter to Lucifer's mounting horror. She continued staring, even as the laughter tapered off into a long sigh. Then the angel spoke.

"Oh, I'm never going to live this down."

In that manner, Lucifer understood her perfectly.

"You have us, at least." she threw one arm over Azazel's shoulders, steering her forwards. "If Heaven is short-sighted enough to let you go, just because of the company you keep, that's their loss."

The angel's smile didn't reach her eyes. "I went against my commander. An _archangel,_ at that. I'll be excommunicated." _Or worse._ "It gets worse, doesn't it?"

Lucifer bit her lip and nodded.

"I'll get kicked out." Azazel, you sweet summer child. Lucifer turned her head to glance back, but Beelzebub was giving them their privacy, for which she was quietly thankful.

"Does it hurt?" Azazel asked. "Falling, I mean."

"Yes." Oh, don't give her that look, Lucifer was telling it as it was! "For what it's worth, you're not half bad."

"Thanks." Azazel gave her a (rather ineffective) withering look, though it was gone in a split second, replaced with a wobbly grin. "I've always been an awful angel. Asking too many questions, being unable to fit in..."

"Not heterosexual enough?"

"Try: not heterosexual, _period._ "

"Well, colour me surprised," Lucifer said, brows raised in a genuine expression of feigned surprise. She sped up her step as the gates came into view. Ahead of them, Malina was kicking a hole in an inconveniently placed bush, stopping with a loud _'about time you assholes showed up.'_

At her voice, the Helltaker himself appeared from behind it, making a beeline for Lucifer.

"What-" she barely had time to react before both she and Azazel were swept up in a crushing hug. He was large enough to manage it, with one Cerberus' worth of wiggle room to spare.

It was Azazel who squirmed out first, offering him a gentle pat on the arm and a kiss on the cheek.

"You didn't have to do that," he told her severely. "But thank you."

Azazel _beamed,_ and Lucifer felt better. She prodded Azazel towards the gate, where she could see Modeus skulking and not talking to anyone. Azazel ran up, giving the demon a tackle-hug, causing Modeus to shriek and flail in alarm before realizing _who_ exactly was clinging to her, upon which she hugged her back equally fiercely.

It was sweet enough to induce cavities.

Lucifer looked away, in time to see Beelzebub stroll up and tell the Helltaker, "Do drop by my void sometime, I'm lonely."

"Do not," she said, walking over. Beelzebub wasn't going to steal _her_ human that easily.

"Actually, Beelzebub." Both demons snapped their attentions to the Helltaker. "How would you feel about moving in?"

"Sure," she said, as automatic as Lucifer's horrified "No!"

Beelzebub smirked, dodging a few paces back as Lucifer tried to maul her. "I _can't believe- you- Human, let go of me!_ " She even stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry at her, adding insult to injury. " _I hate all of you!_ "

"Surely you don't mean that," the Helltaker said into her hair, petting it down, and she reached for her knife. "How do you feel about apology pancakes?"

That had Lucifer give up, going limp in his arms. "I want chocolate chips."

"You can have all the chocolate chips you want. That is, if Zdrada hasn't eaten them while nobody was looking."

* * *

Earth was as they left it, the humans' world trudging on steadily, seemingly untouched by the drama that had transpired. Well, almost.

Zdrada was sitting on the house's porch. As they approached it, they could see her gesturing with one hand, lit cigarette in the other, engaged in conversation with a group of children hovering around her. (Three boys and one girl- the girl had a football tucked under one arm, with a suspicious bite in its side.)

The demon noticed them too, ending the discussion with a lazy _'go ask your parents.'_

"Don't go corrupting the neighbours' kids." The Helltaker frowned at her.

"Hey, I'm just giving them what they want." She looked at the children, who nodded vigorously up at the Helltaker like little bobble-heads before scampering away. They could recognize when someone else was in Trouble, with a capital T. Smart.

The Helltaker raised a brow.

"Alright, I'm undermining the pretense of a happy family-friendly environment, one bad word at a time. You got me." Zdrada dropped the cigarette, smothering it under the heel of a boot before the fire could spread, rising to her feet. "Glad you're back."

"Glad to be back," the man grinned back. All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this fic, but not the series! If you enjoyed it, a comment/kudos will be nice.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't even completed the 'thank-you-for-50-kudos' fic and this story is approaching 100, you guys are amazing O.O Here's a (mostly complete) list of what I've been working on. I'll entertain votes on those with numbers but they'll all get posted at some point.
> 
> O- Omake/Bonus Content (will be appended to this story)
> 
> 1- Personal Fic (Beel/Lucy, oneshot)  
> 2- Gift Fic (Beel/Lucy/Jus, multi-chapter fic)  
> 3- 50 Kudos Bonus (Beelzebub & Helltaker, oneshot)  
> 4- 69 Kudos Bonus (Malina, oneshot)  
> 5- 'Time to make someone SAD' Fic (Modeus & Azazel, ???)
> 
> X- Prequel Fic (Beelzebub-centric, pre-exile)  
> X- Sequel Fic (angels, angels everywhere)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Heaven's Too Orderly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873891) by [Lilako](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilako/pseuds/Lilako)




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